


Back to You

by netflix4ddict



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-07-14 09:32:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16037729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/netflix4ddict/pseuds/netflix4ddict
Summary: Chris and Darren were great friends during their time filming the hit television series Glee. After the show finally came to an end, the two stayed close for a short while, but soon their lives took completely different directions and what once was an epic friendship, was nothing anymore. Both of them moved on with their lives, Chris focused on his dreams and goals as a writer while Darren was working his talented butt off on his acting and singing careers. A few years later, when Darren was rightfully nominated for an Emmy for outstanding lead actor in a limited series, the two accidentally met again. Would there be a chance for the two to finally reconnect or has too much time already passed? And what about all the untold secrets, the hidden truths and stories? Is it too late to be perfectly honest and start over?





	1. Chapter 1

“And the winner is…” Rachel Brosnahan started, trying to rip open the black envelope. “Darren Criss, ‘The Assassination Of Gianni Versace’!”

The audience began to cheer, to bellow with excitement. The winning was perfectly justified and very well-deserved.

Darren sat in place for a few seconds, unable to move, still processing the announcement. Ricky, who was sitting right behind him, jumped out of his chair and started shouting uncontrollably. Darren took a deep breath before he finally stood up and gave a zealous kiss to his fiancée Mia, who was already standing next to him, cheering loudly and looking more proud and happy than ever.

Darren walked to the stage, quickly closing one button of his blazer as the crowd kept rooting for him. Rachel handed him the award and Larry David shook his hand with a big, proud smile on his face. Darren thanked them and as they moved aside, he turned towards the audience.

“Oh, my God. You guys are witnessing the most extraordinary moment of my life thus far, so this is pretty cool,” he started his speech with a slightly agitated, shaky voice, then letting out a nervous chuckle.

“I'm so very privileged to be in this room among so many people that inspire the living crap out of me, and I'm so honored to be nominated. A lot of you guys I have been a fan of for such a long time.”

He stopped for a brief moment to even his voice before he continued. “Actors are really only as good as the moments they are given, at the moments they are granted, and so I am so profoundly indebted to my friend, Ryan Murphy, for entrusting me with this opportunity of a lifetime and for believing in me.”

Darren was speaking fast, his whole being was the actual definition of nervousness.

“I hope that the people from the show can forgive me, I will thank you later. I have to thank some family. Uh, Ricky. Look where we are, man. Michael, I think you worked harder on this than I did. Mom, dad, Chuck, unlike the character I played I was lucky enough to be raised in a home that was very loving and emphasized the value of hard work, compassion and not taking yourself too seriously. You are at the root of why I'm here. And to my darling Mia…”

Darren paused again for a moment to gather himself. The tears weren't far from falling. “You roll the windows down and pump the music up in my life and I'm so thankful for you, I'm so lucky to have you,” the man went on while looking straight into his girl's eyes with so much love and gratitude in his voice.

“Congratulations to all of you, thank you to the Television Academy and, uh… Go Blue!” Darren finished his speech, smiling widely and lifting the award to the air once again. With the obstreperous, supporting cheering from the audience, he got off of the stage and walked to the backroom with all the other recent Emmy winners.

As his dark gray-colored suit disappeared from the sight, one Christopher Colfer got up among the crowd. He looked around, panicky, and then rushed to the men's room. 

Chris locked the door behind him and leaned against it with his arms folded. He put his head down and closed his eyes. Tears rolled down his cheek as he banged the door with his fists.

What was he thinking agreeing to go to the event, alone? A stupid, stupid, stupid decision.

“Is everything okay?”

Chris quickly turned around, startled, and wiped his eyes. “Y-Yeah, yeah.”

An old lady stepped out of one of the stalls, walked to the sink and turned on the faucet.

“Holy shit, Betty White,” Chris muttered, staring at the woman washing her hands.

“So, who won?” Ms. White asked, ripping paper hand towels from the hand towel holder.

“Oh, uh, Darren Criss.”

“Huh. Good for him,” the lady sneered. She took one final look at the mirror and then walked toward the door.

“I, uh… Isn't this… Men's room?”

Ms. White turned to look at him with a cunning smile. “I won't tell if you don't.”

Chris chuckled nervously and watched her walk out of the bathroom. He then took a deep breath and walked to the mirror, leaning toward the sink. He stared at his reflection, his red eyes and pale skin. He sniffled. His whole pathetic, sad being disgusted him. How could’ve he been such an idiot? Why had he thought that a night out alone with a bunch of gifted, remarkable people would get his mind off of everything that was stressing him out, when in reality all it really did, was bringing back all the already forgotten things. The things from his past, the things he had sworn to himself to take to his grave.

Chris pressed his face against his hands and yelled as hard as he could. His head was pounding, his heart racing insanely. He looked back at the mirror letting out a deep, long sigh of frustration. He locked the door again, pushed his back against it and slowly slid down onto the floor, pulling his knees to his chest.

His head was tumbling with thoughts, memories. A warm tear fell from his eye. He didn't know why he was getting so emotional, he couldn't even remember the last time he had cried. This wasn't like him, not at all. He wasn't the type of guy who bemoaned his past or old, bad choices. He was the happy, amusing guy who made everyone else feel good and comfortable. Being gay didn't make him a weeper.

"Wow, this is... Rueful," Chris chuckled sarcastically as he shook his head.

He sat on the floor in complete silence for almost fifteen minutes before he finally decided that it was time to man up and go back to the auditorium. He got up on his feet, breathed out loudly, opened the door and stepped out to the gloomy, noisy hallway.

At the doorway of the auditorium he stopped. He took a look at the people. Everyone seemed so merry, so enthusiastic, genuinely delighted. Chris sighed and turned around. He wasn't going back there. He didn't look like one of them and he certainly didn't feel like one of them, either. He walked back to the hallway, chose a direction at random and kept on going. At the end of the aisle he took left and fastened the pace. Suddenly he noticed a bright light coming from the end of that corridor. He puckered his brows as he came closer.

"Okay, okay. Great job," he heard a man praising in a room at the end of the hallway. "Let's take another one right here, shall we? Matthew?"

Chris peeked carefully over the wall. The room was full of people. And not just any people, this year's prodigious Emmy winners. He pushed his back against the wall and closed his eyes.

Shit.

He tried to even his breathing when he heard footsteps approaching. His eyes slammed open.

Shit, shit, shit.

There was no time to escape, no time to fake his own death.

"Excuse me, sir. You can't be in here."   An angry-looking photographer was staring right at him with his arms on his hips. "I need to ask you to leave. This is a private photoshoot."

Chris turned his gaze at him, flashing him the widest, most fake smile of his entire life.

"I'm sorry," he said.

That part was true. Disturbing an important task hadn't definitely been his intention.

"I just got a little lost. I, uh... I think I had a bit too much to drink," he chuckled nervously.

Not so true.

The photographer didn't laugh, he didn't even smile. The only expression he seemed to have, contained an annoyed frown and wrathful eyes.

"Well, could you, like, get lost from here, too? We're kind of busy and I wouldn't like to bother the security. They love watching the show live."

"Yeah, yeah. I think so. Thank you," Chris replied with a nervous tense voice, smiling. This time, the smile was real. Crisis avoided.

As the man returned to the backroom, Chris turned to leave. He was ready to go home, roll up in his bed and lie there until today would be a distant memory.

"Chris?"

Chris stopped. He'd recognize the voice anywhere, there's no doubt. It was the voice of upcoming trouble, the voice from his past. Loud and clear. Darren.

"Darren!" he turned around with the same smile on his face he'd flashed to the photographer. "What a pleasant surprise."

Darren scrunched his eyebrows. "You don't have to... Do that face, it looks... A little creepy."

Chris coughed, ashamed. "Y-Yeah, sorry."

An awkward quiet filled the hallway. The two stared at each other, not really knowing what to say. It had been three years since they'd last been alone together somewhere.

Darren was the first one to break the silence, as always. "So, you, uh... Wasn't enjoying the show?"

"No, no, I think it was great. I just... I wasn't feeling that well."

"And now?"

Chris sighed. "Even worse."

Darren let out a light laugh. "I've always admired your honesty, Colfer."

There it was, his kryptonite. The laugh, the voice, _Colfer_. The way he said his name gave Chris goosebumps. 

"I-I have to go."

The look on Darren's face was almost disappointed. "Chris, wait!"

Chris turned around. "What?"

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going home, Darren. There's nothing for me here anymore."

Darren quieted down for a few seconds before he replied. "I'm here."

Chris' heart made a somersault in his chest.

“I mean it. Let’s go somewhere. To talk.”

“But… What about your picture? The party? You won an Emmy, for Christ’s sake! Everyone’s expecting to see you at the afterparty.”

“Hey, I could really use some Chris time, alright. You have the ability to help me keep my feet on the ground. Besides, that guy already got like thousand pictures of me, I'm sure there's at least one that's somewhat usable.”

“Are you sure that’s what you want? Isn’t your girlfriend gonna be worried?”

“Mia? Nah, she’s good. She doesn’t need me keeping her company, don’t worry.”

“Oh, I-I wasn’t.”

Darren laughed. “Can I at least buy you a drink? For old times’ sake.”

Chris stared at him. His body was telling him no, his mind was telling him to go home. But his heart was in confusion. The old memories came rushing back; all the late night dinners, the deep conversations, the pranks they used to pull on each other. All the fooling around, being complete dorks together, messing with other members of the cast. And maybe it was the shitty night or the good memories. Maybe it was Darren's smile or the way just him standing there made Chris’ body tingle. Maybe it was all of those things. Whatever it was, it convinced Chris that there was only one right answer. 

“Okay.”


	2. Chapter 2

Chris sat on the bathroom floor, staring at the unlocked door. His black blazer was lying next to him, wrinkled, with his thick-framed glasses neatly placed on top of it.

The room was quiet and the lighting a bit dusky. The only sound, a peaceful, melancholic music, was coming from the cell phone he was holding in his left hand.

Chris sighed and leaned his head against the sink behind him. He was getting frustrated, Darren had been away for almost half an hour. Maybe he wasn't even going to show up. After all, it had been slightly random for him to ask him for a drink and act so incredibly kindly in the first place. He had probably just felt guilty for not keeping touch with him. Or worse, he had felt sorry for him after seeing him wandering around the place, alone, like a lost puppy. 

Chris sighed again. Why didn't he never learn? A guy like Darren, charming, social, extremely fascinating, was never good news. He had too much going on in his life, and he was only capable of maintaining his oldest, most stable, important relationships. The ones he couldn't live without, the ones he cherished the most. And Chris definitely wasn't on that list. Not anymore.

After the fifth sigh he finally got up, dusting his pants. He lifted his jacket from the floor, slipping the glasses to the front pocket and took a quick look at his reflection in the mirror. As he was walking toward the bathroom door, annoyed and ashamed, it opened wide. Chris stared, confused, as Darren stepped inside with two glasses and a bottle of champagne in his hands.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to get back here. There were just so many people I needed to say hi to, and I really didn't wanna seem rude."

He put the things down and locked the door, then turning to Chris.

"Going somewhere, Colfer?" he asked, smiling teasingly.

Chris chuckled nervously. "I, uh... I didn't think you'd be coming back."

"What? Of course I would! I made you a promise, and you know what my promises mean to me."

Chris coughed sarcastically. "Sure."

Darren puckered his brows. "Look, I know there are a lot of things we need to discuss, but you have to understand that right now, there's a whole bunch of people, who'd kill to celebrate with me tonight, sitting in that auditorium while I'm here with you. Because I  _chose_ to be with you. So, maybe you could just cut me some slack here, huh?"

"Oh, wow."   Chris looked at him, stunned. He had always known that fame tended to go to people's head, but never had he even imagined that it'd have such a notable, poor impact on Darren, whose down-to-earth attitude he used to have admired.

"Oh, my God," Darren mumbled all of a sudden. The look on his face was frightened; his eyes were fully open, his mouth ajar.

"Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God," he kept repeating.

"That... That was such a conceited thing to say. I'm... I'm so sorry, C, I..."

Darren took a deep breath.

"When I think of myself... Geez, even when I look at myself, I still see that little kid with a big dream starting his first year at UM, and it just... It messes with my head, Chris. This is what I've dreamed of ever since I was just a toddler! And now that it's actually happening... I've started questioning whether I really am ready for this or not."

"Hey," Chris said softly as he took a few steps closer to him. "I can assure you that no one deserves this more than you do. It's your time. And yes, sometimes things seem bad and everything feels hopeless, but  _everyone_  has moments of doubts. Nobody can stay strong constantly."

Chris put his hand on Darren's right shoulder. "And you don't have go through it all alone. You've got your family, your team, your friends and... Me."

Darren lifted his head and as soon as he did, the tears he'd been holding back the whole night, flooded his eyes and began to fall, dropping on the floor.

Chris smiled tenderly. "Come here."

He wrapped his arms around Darren's slim body and closed his eyes. Darren put his head on his chest, sliding his arms tightly around his waist and breathed deeply.

Chris' body felt good against his, familiar. It was like nothing had changed, the past three years seemed to be forgotten. There was only tonight.

They stood there, holding each other, with a beautiful melody playing in the background for a long time. Not single word was said, no arm moved. It was just them, the music and the gentle touch of their bodies, the tingling.

And then, just when the playlist was on the verge of ending, Darren loosened his grip. Chris raised his head, abashed. Darren looked deep into his eyes, smiling warmly. He swallowed, feeling his palms sweat, ears redden. The tension in the room was so thick you could've cut it with a knife.

Chris smiled back.

Darren bit his lower lip, still not taking his eyes off Chris'. His breathing was getting heavier and the intense atmosphere made him dizzy.

Suddenly he leaned closer, pressing his lips lightly against Chris' warm, soft ones. They kissed long and passionately, tongues fighting for space.

The kiss ended as suddenly as it had started when Darren pulled himself out of it, gasping for air. He opened his eyes, breathing rapidly.

"I, uh... I don't know why I... Why I just did that. I... I shouldn't have done that," he spluttered.

Chris pursed his lips. "Yeah... That was quite irresponsible thing for you to do."

"Maybe I should... Punish you," he continued, whispering, staring at Darren's moist lips.

Darren bit his teeth together as Chris gently grabbed his balls through his pants and squeezed.

"What do you say?" Chris asked with a slanted smirk on his face, still holding Darren's crown jewels.

Darren nodded. "Yeah, yeah. Definitely."

Chris laughed airily. "Kiss me first."

Darren simpered as he cupped Chris' cheeks, looking straight into his eyes and then forced their lips together.

Their tongues started slow-dancing. Darren let his hands wander on Chris' body, touching his arms, chest, waist... Chris groaned softly, playing carefully with Darren's thick, lightly gelled hair.

Slowly, he began to unbutton Darren's black dress shirt after undoing the tight bow tie and letting it hang around his neck.

After the shirt was opened, Chris helped Darren to get rid of it along with his black blazer. As the clothes dropped on the floor, he started kissing the smooth, sensitive skin of Darren's neck. Darren closed his eyes, biting his lip, letting out tacit moans.

Soon Chris was topless as well, and his bare back was pushed against the bathroom wall with Darren's warm, humid mouth running all over his body. He moaned as Darren kept moving lower, starting to undo his black pants.

Darren grasped Chris' half-erected cock, pumping at it slowly. Chris closed his eyes in pleasure, pressing the side of the sink hard with his left hand. 

"Okay, okay. My turn," Chris panted as he took a hold of Darren's  shoulders and turned around so Darren's back was against the cold, concrete wall.

Chris went down on his knees, taking off Darren's pants and boxers. He started rubbing Darren's cock up and down. Darren exhaled loudly, bucking his hips upward to the touch. Chris quickened the pace, making Darren moan almost uncontrollably.

Soon Chris replaced his hand with his mouth. He bobbed his head up and down, Darren groaning and moaning loud as he did. Sometimes his cock missed Chris' mouth and ended up slapping him on the cheek or just rubbing against it. Chris liked that. He enjoyed Darren's cock all up in his face and mouth.

Darren put his hands in Chris' fluffy hair and slowly moved his cock further down his throat. Chris didn't mind. As long as he was able to breathe through his nose, he was fine with deep throat.  

"Are you getting close?"

Darren opened his eyes slightly. "Very."

"Do you wanna, uh, come to my mouth?"

A smirk appeared on Darren's face. "Actually, I was thinking... I'd love to be inside you when I come."

Chris coughed, surprised. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Chris stayed silent for a short while.

"Okay," he then replied, smiling nervously. 

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't wanna pressure you to do anything you might not be one hundred percent comfortable with."

"I-I'm sure, yeah."

Darren smiled. "Okay."

As soon as they were both sitting on the floor, Darren started kissing Chris' neck. Chris smiled mildly, took hold of his hair and pulled it gently. Darren pressed himself closer to him, and with his other hand, he played tenderly with his balls.

"Turn around," Darren whispered into his ear. "Hands and knees."

Chris nodded in silence, trying to act calm. He had no idea how believable he was, but because Darren just kept sucking his neck, he assumed that he didn't seem as anxious as he felt.

Darren started rubbing his dry hole. Chris bit his lip and closed his eyes, trying to prevent himself from moaning.

Darren massaged his hole for a little while and then let the tip of his middle finger sink in him. Chris let out a loud, unintentional moan. Darren smiled as he pushed the rest of his finger inside. 

"Does this hurt?" he asked, slowly fucking the finger in and out of Chris.

Chris took a deep breath through his nose.

"No," he then replied.

"Good."

Chris closed his eyes. He wanted Darren inside him so badly. Wanted him now. All the way. Even if it hurt.

Darren kissed his lower back as he pushed another finger inside him. Chris groaned and leaned his head against his hands. Darren wrapped his other hand around Chris' cock while pushing the third finger inside.

"Oh, gosh," Chris groaned lowly.

Darren grinned as he kept fucking Chris gently with his fingers. "You really like this, don't you?"

Chris nodded, letting out another unintended moan. It didn't hurt a bit anymore. The stretch just felt incredibly good.

"Fuck me," he whined. 

From the tone of his voice, Darren could tell just how much he wanted to be filled. How much he needed it. Needed him. 

Darren stood on his knees between Chris' legs. His other hand squeezed at Chris' ass, and the other was around his own cock. He started teasing the head of his cock against Chris' hole. Chris felt his erection grow to its full expanse as their skins touched.

"Fuck me," he whimpered again. "Please."

Darren leaned in to kiss his neck once more before tenderly sinking inside him. Chris felt his entire body clench. His breathing came out short as he moaned hornily. 

Darren started fucking him slowly. He pulled out almost all the way before sinking back inside, a little deeper every time. As soon as Chris got used to the feeling, Darren fastened the pace. Gradually, Chris felt his cock hardening inside him. They both began moaning, and their voices got louder and louder.

"You take it so fucking well," Darren groaned. He was now fucking Chris so hard, Chris had to take support from the side of the sink in front of him.  

"T-Touch me," Chris whined, pressing his fingers against the sink.

Darren grabbed hold of Chris' cock again, and stroke it fast and hard. They were both moaning, so close to the edge. Darren's fist kept squeezing and pulling Chris' cock as he was coming inside him. He kept jerking Chris off until he was pushed over the edge, as well, with a loud helpless groan.

After a few minutes, Darren pulled out and slumped to sit back down on the floor. He kept breathing heavily and closed his eyes as he leaned his head against his hands. Chris scrawled up and sat next to him.

"Fuck." He took a deep breath. "Just... Fuck. That was..."

Darren chuckled, sounding a bit sleepy as he replied, "I know."

Chris smiled tiredly and bent his head on Darren's shoulder. The night had been everything he'd ever hoped for, everything he'd ever even dared to dream of. No. It had been better. It had been perfect.


	3. Chapter 3

"So, uh, we're in an agreement here? Not a word about...  _This_  to anyone?" The look on Darren's face was serious as he was standing at the doorway of the bathroom, holding his blazer on his arm. "Like, what happens in the bathroom of the Microsoft Theater,  _stays_  in the bathroom of the Microsoft Theater, right?"

Chris nodded. "Absolutely."

Darren grabbed the door handle and cracked it open.

"Thank you," Chris said suddenly, still sitting on the floor with a half-empty champagne glass in his right hand.

Darren turned to look at him. "For what?"

"Just... Thank you."

Darren flashed one last crooked smile before opening the door. Chris chuckled lightly as he watched Darren leave the room.

He hadn't wanted to say "Thank you for the sex". It wasn't all he wanted to thank him for. He wanted to thank him for being there for him, for listening to his problems, for helping him. Of course, the sex had been mind blowing, but it still hadn't been the best part of the night, as crazy as it might sound.

He had wanted to say simply "Thank you for everything", but it had seemed a bit too much at the moment. They were both already sobering up, not that they'd even been that drunk.

Fortunately, Darren had given him his phone number, which Chris had already deleted a few months after their last encounter. He couldn't wait to write him a message, something nice to make him feel as good as he was feeling right now.

Chris grabbed his blazer and searched for his cell from the breast pocket. It wasn't there.

He puckered his brows as he got off the floor and went through all the pockets of the blazer several times.

Suddenly he stopped to stare at the jacket he was holding.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me."

He pictured the dark gray-colored blazer smiling at him, wickedly. He let out a panicked sigh. This couldn't seriously be happening. 

After everything that had happened tonight, having to explain to everyone why he had accidentally switched blazers with Darren Criss of all people, was the last thing he needed.

 

* * *

 

Darren was standing in the lobby, near the main entrance, with his blank stare at the floor.

"Here you are!" he suddenly heard Mia's relieved, eager voice in the distance. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

Darren forced his gaze to hers and faked a smile. "Yeah, I, uh... Took a little detour from the backroom. I really needed some fresh air after all that... Posing."

"Ryan told me you ran out of there before they even ended the shoot. What happened? Is everything okay?" Mia asked, with a genuinely worried look on her face. "And what happened to your jacket?"

Darren knitted his brows as he took a closer look at the blazer he was wearing.

_Crap._

"One of the waiters in the backroom spilled some champagne on me," he replied fast, trying his best not to look as panicked as he felt. "I ran into Ricky on my way to the bathroom, and he was kind enough to let me borrow one of his. You know how much he loves to be prepared for situations like that."

Mia let out a soft chuckle. "I should've known something like this would happen."

Darren laughed nervously. "Yeah."

It was the first time he was extremely thankful for Mia's undying blue-eyedness and pure loyalty, which both usually made him feel a bit bad for her. She always wanted to believe in the best in people, no matter how obvious it was that they were lying or only telling a part of the story — the part that didn't make them look like total douche bags. As long as she had some reason to believe in what she wanted to be true, she did.

"Are you two lovebirds ready to leave to the after party?" Edgar shouted, avidly, slamming his hands on Darren's shoulders.

Darren flinched and turned quickly around. Edgar and Penelope started laughing loudly behind him.

"I'm sorry, brother," Edgar said, still giggling uncontrollably. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"We promised Ricky and Jwan we'd meet them at the Vibiana," Penelope explained after managing to calm herself down. "We should probably get going."

"Unless you want to hear them bragging about their limo driver again."

"I felt like Batman," Penelope added, imitating Ricky's voice.

Darren chuckled. "Yeah, let's go. I think we've all had enough of the Microsoft Theater for one night."

 

* * *

 

Chris leaned toward the sink, staring at himself on the bathroom mirror. At this point, he had two options; 1. Get a taxi ride back home, sober up completely and deal with the phone issue, civilized, the following day. 2. Do everything necessary to get the cell back asap.

Luckily, he really was already feeling much better so he was able to make a carefully measured decision, the right one.

He took the jacket, threw the glasses and the empty champagne bottle to the trashcan and walked out of the bathroom. He sped up his pace, not sure where he was even heading. The hallway seemed never-ending with its indistinct lightning and gloomy vibe.

At the end of the corridor, he found himself in the lobby of the building. There were only a few people left sitting on the benches, waiting for their rides. Chris walked past them, right through the main entrance.

Once he was outside, he stopped. He glanced around the area and then took a few steps closer to the side of the street, sticking his arm out and staring at the approaching vehicles. 

When a taxi finally pulled over, Chris rushed to it and sat down on the back seat.

"Good evening," the driver greeted, politely.

"Hey," Chris replied with a little breathless sound in his voice.

"Where'd you like to go?" The driver was a bit short, chubby and somewhere around his fifties. He had a kind smile and a stubble.

"2131 Purdue Avenue, please," Chris said, unable to take his eyes off of the man's bushy, black scruffy moustache. "And, uh... If I fall asleep, don't hesitate to wake me up. I just need to clear my head a little.

The driver smiled friendly. "Yes, sir."

Chris smiled back before he tilted his head to the side. His eyes started to get heavy as he listened to the calm music coming from the radio and the nearly nonexistent sounds of the car. The air conditioning made the car extremely comfy, and just a few miles behind them, he had already fallen asleep.

 

"Okay, we're here," the driver said after parking the car at the side of the road. He glimpsed at the backseat where Chris was sitting, making a quiet puffing sound with his head still on his shoulder. "Sir?"

Chris twitched awake and righted himself. "Thank you."

He dug up his wallet from the back pocket of his pants and paid for the ride, then getting out of the car. He walked to the house. It was grand and painted white, except for the terrace, which was light gray.

He ringed the doorbell. A few moments later, a light came up in the hallway and the door opened.

"Chris?" A light brown-haired woman, about the same height as him but a little heavier, was standing at the doorway with a surprised look on her face. "What are you doing here? I thought you said you were going to the Emmys."

Chris took a deep breath. "Look, Ash, I'm sorry for showing up unannounced like this in the middle of the night, but I just... I thought that since I promised to come to you about everything in this PW world, I'd might as well start this whole liaison thing tonight."

"PW?" The confusion on Ashley's face grew deeper.

"Please, don't make me say it," Chris sighed.

"Oh, you mean...  _Post-Will?_ "

"Seriously? You just had to say it out loud."

"Hey, I'm not the one who just basically quoted Riverdale."

"Fine," Chris chuckled, rolling his eyes playfully. "Can I come in?"

"Of course," Ashley replied with a smile and stepped aside so he could enter the house.

Chris took off his shoes, then walking straight to the kitchen. He grabbed a big glass from the top shelf of a glazed door cabinet and popped open a bottle of red wine. He sat down down to the table and took a large sip of his drink. Ashley, who had followed him to the room, poured herself a glass, then sitting opposite him.

"Why are we drinking?" she asked after a few minutes of silence.

Chris sighed. "I did something stupid."

"Oh, my God. Did you call someone the wrong name? Someone, like, super famous?"

"No, it, uh... It was something  _much_ stupider than that."

Ashley looked puzzled. "I'm starting to get a little worried. What did you do?"

Chris closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath. "I, uh... I slept with someone."

"At the Emmy Gala?" Ashley's mouth turned up, as if she could burst into laughter any minute.

"Would you please stop enjoying this so much? I'm in the middle of a crisis."

"I'm sorry," Ash said, trying to prevent herself from chuckling. "Please, continue."

"Well, I... I was feeling a bit sad and... You know, lonely, seeing all those happy couples and hearing those beautiful speeches." Chris sighed. "I'm not proud of it, I'm really not. I think I was just... Jealous."

He sighed again. "So, anyways, I ended up wandering around the place and... I met this guy at the hallway and, well, it just sort of happened."

"You had sex with some random guy at the Emmys? Maybe I should be worried."

"Well, it... It wasn't exactly some  _random_  guy," Chris mumbled avoiding eye contact.

"What? Who was it then?"

Chris took a big sip of his drink before he replied, still staring at the white oak kitchen table. "Darren Criss."

"What?" Ashley exclaimed with a shocked expression on her face. "Chris!"

Chris kept his head down; he was too embarrassed to look at her. "I don't know what came over me, I feel terrible."

"He talked about Mia so beautifully today, what the hell happened?"

Chris sniffed. "It's my fault. I never should've agreed to have a drink with him! I mean, all those suffocated feelings from the past... I should've known better. I should've known."

"Wait, he asked you for a drink?"

"Yeah. And then he snitched a bottle of champagne somewhere."

"Oh, my God. I-I can't believe this. He cheated on her fiancée with  _you_!

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, I just... I never thought he'd be into guys. He never really struck me as a possible gay person."

Chris let out an unintentional giggle, which was over as soon as it had started as Ashley gave him a horribly judgy look.

"Really, Ash? Really?"

Ashley rolled her eyes at him and continued. "Come on, Chris. He was the fantasy of the 20-year-old you!"

"Please, don't remind me of that. I was desperate."

"You have to forget about it, do you hear me? You can never tell anyone what happened. It'd ruin his life, his career! And yours, too. Maybe it was just some drunken decision, which he won't probably even remember tomorrow morning."

"I know, I know. And I totally agree," Chris nodded, finally able to look at his friend. "There's just one little problem."

"What?"

"He has my phone."

Ashley's mouth dropped open. "Please, tell me you're joking."

"I wish I were."

"Oh, God," Ashley muttered shaking her head, incredulous. "So, what's the plan?"

"I think there's only one person who'll be willing to help me and won't find the whole situation too weird," Chris sighed. "Give me your phone."

Ashley raised her other brow, unsure of what was happening, but handed the cell anyway. Chris went through her contact list and then finally selected a number. He took a deep breath before starting a FaceTime call.

Soon, the face of a dark brown-haired woman, who was already lying in bed, appeared on the screen.

"Hey, is everything ok- Chris!" Her tone went from frightened to surprised in one-hundredth of a second.

"Lea, hey. I need a favor."

"What is it? Is everything okay?"

Chris nodded. "Yeah, yeah. I just... I need Darren's phone number."

"Okay... Why are you calling me from Ashley's phone?" Lea's look told him she wasn't gonna believe just any story he'd tell.

"Well, uh, actually... Darren has it."

"Oh? So, I take it that you went to the Emmys after all?" Lea was now totally awake and ready for her daily gossip moment.

"Yeah, I did. It was, umm, a lovely party," Chris mumbled.

"That I believe! So, why does he have your phone? You guys haven't even spoken in years."

"Yeah, it's, uh... It's a funny story, actually," Chris chuckled nervously. "But couldn't you just give me the number? I promise I'll fill you in some day. Or you can just read all about it from my memoir."

"Chris, it's just me! You can tell me anything." Now, Lea looked mainly worried.

Chris sighed. "The number, Lea."

"Fine," she snorted and rolled her eyes. "But you  _so_  owe me an explanation, Colfer."


	4. Chapter 4

"I still don't understand how this is better than just calling your phone," Ashley said as she watched Chris dialing the number to her cell.

"Are you serious? He's probably still at some after party! I can't just call my phone when he's out there, surrounded by hundreds of people - for all we know, he hasn't maybe even realized he has it yet!"

"Okay, okay. Calm down, you're freaking me out."

Chris rolled his eyes at her as he finished writing the number. "Okay, let's do this."

He inhaled deep and pressed the green button. The call ringed multiple times before it was answered. 

"Hello?" a quite hoarse, abashed female voice said.

Chris' whole body stiffened. He sat there, in silence, with his mouth wide open for a good while before hanging up.

He stared at the phone, still unable to move.

"What happened?" Ashley's voice woke him back to reality.

"It-It was Mia," Chris muttered. He was squeezing the cell in his hand so hard his knuckles were white. 

Before hearing Mia's voice, Chris hadn't even realized how nervous and on the edge he actually was about the situation. He was basically a home wrecker, how could've he been okay with this?

He looked around him wildly with a startled expression. He was feeling hot and throwing up but at the same time, he was also cold and shivering. His hands were shaking and his legs felt numb and stiff.

"Chris, are you okay?"

Chris twitched as he heard Ashley's voice. He turned his gaze at her and flashed an agitated smile. "What? Yeah, yeah. I'm fine."

"Are you sure? 'Cause you look pretty shaken."

"I'm fine," Chris said, tense. "I-I just... I need a minute."

"Yeah, of course. No rush. But remember, it's just a phone call. Nothing bad is gonna happen."

Chris glanced at her. She was right. It was just a phone call, nothing more. And it wasn't even his phone he was calling from! Suddenly his slight meltdown seemed ridiculous. Why had he made such a big deal out of it? Mia was so gullible when it came to Darren she would've probably believed anything he'd said. Not to mention that it definitely wouldn't have been the first lie Chris had told her. During their time filming Glee, Chris hadn't exactly been the biggest fan of the lady. 

He felt himself calming down little by little; his breathing had finally normalized and the shivers eased some. When also the expression on his face was starting to look human again, Chris took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay. I'm ready."

"It wasn't that hard now, was it?" Ashley looked at him with a mild smirk on her face.

"Don't count your chickens before they're hatched," Chris sighed as he looked the number up again. "I haven't even called him yet."

"Do you want me to hold your hand?"

Chris rolled his eyes. "Now you're just treating me like a big baby."

Ashley only grinned at response. "Just make the call."

Chris raised the cell to his ear and waited for a couple of rings.

"Darren?" a loud, bit annoyed voice answered. 

Chris did a brief, silent victory dance. Telling the truth, he'd been hoping that Mia would've already returned the phone to its rightful owner. 

"Hey, uh... It's Chris," he said, trying to sound cool and not too enthusiastic.

"Ch-Chris? What's... What's going on?" Darren sounded startled. 

"I,  um–" Chris chuckled nervously. "This is a little awkward but, uh... You have my phone."

Darren was silent for a while. All Chris could hear were the loud background noises. Apparently Darren still was at some after party where it was impossible to hear other people, even if they were standing right next to you. 

"Yeah, it seems like I took your jacket, too," Darren said suddenly, taking Chris back to reality.

"By accident, of course," he added quickly.

"Of course," Chris repeated, not sure if he sounded believable or if that'd even been his intention. 

"So, you... Probably want them back, right? Like, that's the only reason you called."

Chris couldn't tell if Darren was asking that because he wanted him to have another reason to call, or if he just simply wanted to get the whole thing over with.

"Well, I need the phone more. My mother taught me well enough to know that I should never wear the same outfit twice in public."

_Nice save, Colfer._ Sometimes he was a disgrace to himself.

Lucky for him, Darren just laughed at his terrible attempt to entertain him. "Do you need the phone right now? I'm at this after party at Vibiana and there's like a whole bunch of people and I –"

"Tomorrow," Chris interrupted him. "You can bring it to my place tomorrow."

"Y-Your place? Are you... Are you sure that's wise?"

"Do you _really_ want us to be seen by the paparazzi together?" Chris asked. He couldn't be the only one who was aware of the amount of all the "Klaine" and "CrissColfer" fan fictions that were written by some of the most eager Glee fans.

Darren sighed. "Why don't you come over to our place? I have so much stuff to do tomorrow and Mia is running some errands as well. She won't be home 'til late."

"I don't know, D..." Chris mumbled. He really wasn't sure if it was the best idea for him to go over there. At his place he'd at least be able to kick Darren out if the situation got too tense. Because there was no freaking way he'd be doing the same mistake again only less than 24 hours later.

"I can make you coffee."

It was Chris' turn to be quiet for a minute. His thoughts started to make him feel dizzy all over again.

_Coffee does sound good..._

_No! DO NOT GO OVER THERE. You know coffee never means just coffee. It's a proven fact that it's only a more subtle way of asking someone to have sex with you._

_Well, I mean... The sex was really good._

_No, no, no, no, no, no! Don't you dare! Do NOT go over there._

But in his head, he was there already.

"I'll be there at five. Text me the address."

When the call ended, Chris put the phone on the table. He was smiling unintentionally wide as he took a sip of his drink and thought about all the possibilities that there were for the next day. Not that he was going to do anything based on them, of course. 

Across the table, Ashley was staring at him, shocked and surprised, not saying a word.

"What?" Chris asked as their gazes finally met.

"What did you just do?"

Chris puckered his eyebrows. "He asked me for a coffee, it's not a big deal."

"Uh, yeah, it is!" Ashley exclaimed. "Chris, you just had sex with the guy! Do you really think _this_ is the best way to deal with it?"

"Calm down, Ash. It's just coffee."

"It's never just coffee!"

"You're wrong! Darren and I were close friends for years, we can make it work again."

"Oh, my God, listen to yourself! You _always_ do this! You always fool around with the wrong guys and then you end up getting your heart broken all over again, just when it's started to heal!" Ashley was now practically yelling. "And you know who's always there, picking up the pieces after every heartbreak? _Me!_ I'm always on your side, Chris! I'm always there for you!"

She took a deep breath. "But if you now do this, after everything the guy has put you through, you're gonna have to take care of yourself when it all comes crashing down. Because I have warned you. He is almost a married guy, Chris! And even if he's gotten second thoughts about the whole thing, it's not right for you to get in the middle of it. You've caused enough trouble for them already. Mia still probably hates your guts! Do you really want that for yourself? Do you want _that_ to be your future?"

Chris was silent. He didn't know what to say. He knew everything Ashley was saying was true. He was the one who was going to get hurt, no matter what the outcome. There was no way he could just walk hand in hand with Darren, as a happy couple, out of here when this chapter in their lives ended. Why was it so hard for him to understand?

"I know I've always said I'll support you and your decisions, no matter what, but this is a line I simply cannot cross."

Ashley got up and walked to her bedroom, leaving Chris sitting by himself at the kitchen table with millions and millions of thoughts running through his head.

He wanted to get up. He wanted to apologize to Ashley. He wanted to make the right decision, to tell Darren to leave the phone on his mailbox so he could pick it up the next day. He wanted to be smart, for once in his life. He wanted it so bad.

But something was still stopping him. There was a force so much greater than his negligible, empty being that was telling him to take the risk, to give Darren a chance.

_What if it's your time now?_

And he really wanted to believe that it was. 


	5. Chapter 5

Darren was sitting in the kitchen table, going through his emails and Skyping with Ricky, his PR guy, who was on his way to the other side of California to meet up with some other clients.

"Just play it cool, D. Be yourself. I mean, you don't wanna seem arrogant or, like, you weren't completely surprised by the win," Ricky said, ruffling his thick hair with his fingers. "Trust me, that's not the kind of reputation you want as a first-time Emmy winner, let alone as an actor."

"Yeah, absolutely. And-And, I mean, you know me, man. I think I was the one who expected it the least!" Darren replied, still not fully used to being referred to as an Emmy winner.

"I know, I know. Which is why I'm not worried. You're probably the most modest person I've ever met," Ricky said and flashed a brief, supportive smile. "Just shoot the video and post it, I'm sure it'll be great."

"Yeah, thanks," Darren nodded. "I guess I'm still just so, you know, overwhelmed by all this that it's making me extra nervous. I mean, the words truly cannot describe how thankful I am."

"That's good! Just add a bit more emotion to it and it's perfect."

"Oh, I wasn't actually —"

"Well, hello, gorgeous! Where are you headed?"   Darren turned his head and flinched a little as he saw Mia standing next to him.

"Damn it, Ricky! I was gonna scare him," she laughed.

Darren chuckled nervously. "How long have you been there?"

"Don't worry, babe, I didn't hear any of your  _super secretive guy talk_ ," Mia said, teasingly. "I just got off the phone with Lulu and we made some plans for tonight, so I don't think I'll be coming home until small hours."

"Oh, okay," Darren muttered, secretly happy about how smoothly everything seemed to be going. His meeting with Chris was now officially on and secured.

"Don't stay up waiting, we have a lot to do tomorrow." Mia smiled and kissed his forehead. "I love you."

"Love you, too," Darren answered, unable to look straight back into her eyes.

"Bye!" Ricky shouted as Mia was walking toward the front door.

"Bye, Ricky," Mia chuckled without even turning around.

"Amazing woman," Ricky sighed.

"Yeah, yeah. She is," Darren said feeling terrible about not sounding like he actually meant it at all. "But, look, Ricky, I really gotta go. I've got this meeting at five and I have a dozen things I need to take care of before that."

"You've got a meeting? At five? With whom?" Ricky asked, definitely suspicious about the information.

"Oh, uh... It's just Lea. Nothing LM/DC Tour related, though. She just... Wanted to catch up."

_Wow, just horrible._

"Uh-huh..."

_Yup, Ricky wasn't buying any of it. Shit._

"So uh, I really need to go but, um... Talk to you later!" Darren said, trying his best not to panic.

"Yeah, bye."

Ricky's abashed look froze on the screen for a few seconds before it disappeared. Darren closed the laptop's cover and dug up his iPhone. He opened his contact list, pressed L and Lea's number appeared. His thumb was hovering over the call button. What was he going to say? What was his explanation? With a person like Lea, he really needed one, because she wasn't in the habit of falling for just any kind of lie.

He took a deep breath and pressed the green button.

"Darren, hi!" Lea answered the call almost immediately. "Oh, my God, I'm still  _freaking out!_  Congratulations! You deserved it and so much more!"

"Thank you," Darren chuckled, and for a brief moment he almost forgot about why he was actually calling.

"So, how was the party? Did anything crazy happen?"

_Oh, if she only knew..._

"I'm literally so excited that you called!" Lea exclaimed. "I mean, I've been wanting to call you ever since I saw you on TV last night, but I wasn't sure when would be the right time with the after party and all your upcoming projects you must be drowning with. So, I just kinda decided to — Wait, why did you call me again? Is everything okay?"

Darren swallowed. "Well, uh... I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just gonna come out and say it."

"Okay... You're scaring me but go on."

"If anyone ever asks you, you and I had coffee today. Nothing work related, just two friends chatting."

"Oh, my God, I love that!" Lea nearly screamed. "Wait, what? So... We're  _not_  getting coffee?"

"No. I just need you to say so in case anyone asks."

"Why would anyone ask about it?" Lea sounded confused. "Darren, what's going on? Are you in some kind of trouble?"

"No, no, no! No. Well, yeah. I mean, no. It's... It's a long story."

Lea was silent for a while. "Does this have something to do with why Chris was suddenly asking for your number yesterday?"

Darren's eyes widened. " _He was what?_ "

"He called me yesterday, asking for your number. He said you had his phone," Lea explained. "Are you meeting with him today?"

Darren sighed. "Yeah. He's coming over to pick it up."

"Wait, he's coming to  _your_  place? Darren!"

"What? It's just coffee," Darren replied. "We haven't talked in ages, it'll be great catching up. I mean, our friendship was pretty unique."

At this point, he wasn't even sure who he was trying to convince, Lea or himself.

"Right..."

Lea definitely wasn't convinced yet.

"It's just... I don't understand, how do you even have his phone?"

There it was. The question Darren had severely hoped to avoid.

"It's a long story," he said again. He had no idea why he'd thought that it would've sounded any more believable the second time.

"Okay, what's going on? Why are you being so secretive?" Lea kept questioning. "It's not like you're having an affair!"

Darren coughed, startled. "Yeah, that'd be...  _Crazy_."

"You know you can trust me, right? You can tell me anything. Besides, you know how I like to be involved!" Lea cried out. "It'd be like our own small Glee reunion! Jenna and Kevin have those  _all the time._ "

Darren sighed again. "We accidentally switched blazers in the restroom at the Emmys. Chris' phone was in the breast pocket so he needed my number to call me from someone else's cell."

"Why didn't you just tell me that?" Lea laughed. "There's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You and Chris are old friends."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

Lea was quiet again. Darren could already feel a new tough question coming and challenging his nonexistent lying skills.

"But... Why do you have to make such a big deal out of it? I mean, he's just coming to get the jacket and then staying for coffee, why do you need such a strict plan to cover it up?"

Darren pursed his lips together.  _Remember who you're talking to. Come up with something believable._

"Well, I, uh... I have something personal I need to talk to him about."

_Seriously?_ _That's what you're going with? 'Something personal'?_

"Oh. My. God. Are you asking him to be your best man?" The excitement in Lea's voice was unbelievably real-like.

Darren looked helplessly around him, as if he was trying to get some guidance from the walls. Nothing.

"Yeah, I, uh... I am."

_WHAT?_

"I think I'm gonna cry!" Lea shouted. "I'm so happy for you guys already, and now this!"

Darren smiled nervously, still trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with him for just saying such things.

"Yeah, but I mean, he can still say no. It was... Just an idea that came to me when we were catching up yesterday."

_Yeah, or more like just a few seconds ago when she literally fed you the idea._

"Well, I'm sure he'll say yes! Oh, my God! It's gonna be a Glee wedding! I'm so happy!  _We're getting married!_ "

Darren chuckled, distressed and shaken. The joy about his plans succeeding was gone. He was now officially a dead man walking.

After hanging up, he got up, walked to the bathroom and took off his pink top. He stared at himself in the mirror; his muscular arms, his hairy chest, his flat but beefy stomach.

He turned on the faucet and cold water started to spur out. He washed his face, still feeling hot and anxious after closing the faucet. He took a deep breath and sat on the toilet seat, not taking his eyes off of his reflection. Why was he still feeling so excited and happy about tonight, when he was lying to so many people he really cared about? He felt guilty for feeling so good.

He pressed his head against his hands and closed his eyes. What the hell was he doing? How many lies was he going to tell before he'd finally lose himself while trying to cover up his idiotic mistakes with stories and fiction? How long would he last after getting caught up too deep in the spiral of lying? Once, he'd faked a British accent for four years just because he was too embarrassed to tell the truth once he had already started with the lies.

There was no way he was going to go through all that again.

 

* * *

 

At 4.57 pm, Chris was standing outside Darren's luxurious house. He was wearing a white black-striped t-shirt and a pair of denim shorts. His black sunglasses were hanging from the collar of the tee.

He quickly ruffled his lightly gelled hair with his fingers, using one of the living room windows as a mirror. Then, he raised his hand and gave an old-fashioned knock on the door.

Only a few moments later, the door opened and he was greeted by Darren's big, genuine smile. "Hey."

He smiled back. "Hey."

"Come on in," Darren said as he stepped aside so he could enter.

Chris' gaze wandered around the living room. "This place is gorgeous. How long have you lived here again?"

"About five years," Darren replied and sat down on the beige couch. "Here's your phone."

Chris turned around and took the cell from Darren's extend hand. "Thanks."

Darren smiled, nervously. "Okay, so, this is awkward. And I don't want it to be. I really don't. So... What do you say if we just... Start from a clean slate?"

"I'd like that," Chris said and sat down next to Darren. "Honestly, I feel so guilty about last night. It was a  _huge_  mistake."

"Yeah, l mean...  _That wasn't me_."

"Of course it wasn't!" Chris exclaimed. "We were drunk and... Drunk people do stupid things."

"Exactly."

"I'm glad we can agree on this."

An awkward silence landed in the room. Both of them were feverishly trying to figure out what the other one was thinking about, but it was getting harder and harder when the only thing in their own minds seemed to be;  _why does it feel like I'm lying?_

"Why don't I put on some music, huh? It always used to relax you," Darren said and dug up his phone. He connected it to the sound system and scrolled through his playlist.

Soon a familiar melody started playing and Darren turned his gaze to Chris, eagerly waiting for him to recognize it. He tapped his leg to the beat and as the first verse began, he started singing along.

"Ooh, you make me live, whatever this world can give to me. It's you, you're all I see! Ooh, you make me live now, honey. Ooh, you make me live!" Darren got off the sofa and kneeled down in front of Chris, continuing the song even louder. "Ooh, you're the best friend that I ever had! I've been with you such a long time, you're my sunshine, and I want you to know that my feelings are true! I really love you. Oh, you're my best friend!"

"Oh, my God!" Chris yelled, laughing. "Make it stop!"

Darren laughed and lowered the volume. "I love that song!"

"I've had a hard time listening to it ever since we covered it in Glee," Chris said, shaking his head. "I still don't get the whole thing. Why the hell were there so many puppets? No. Why were there  _any_  puppets?"

"I was the puppet master!"

"Yeah, saying that doesn't make it any better, no matter how cool you think it makes you," Chris chuckled. "But thank you. I really needed that."

Darren smiled. "No problem. I just want us to be able to be friends again. We used to be so close."

"Yeah," Chris muttered as Darren got up from the floor and sat back down on the couch. "I'm sorry I just secluded like that. There was just... So much going on and, well, I couldn't take it."

"Yeah, I, uh... I heard about Will. I'm so sorry," Darren said, meaning every word. "How are you doing now?"

"It's still hard," Chris sighed. "Some days are better, others just..."

He put his head down as tears came to his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Darren said, putting his hand on Chris' shoulder. "It's okay not to be strong all the time."

Chris wiped away his tears and turned his red, watery eyes towards him, smiling weakly. 

Darren returned the smile, looking right back into his glasz eyes. His head felt empty from his own thoughts and worries, as if he was being brainwashed. His palms were sweaty and his heart was beating like crazy.

Chris bit his lip, suddenly distracted from all the sadness that just a minute ago had been getting him down. He stared at Darren, whose hazel eyes were drilled into his, unwilling to break the contact.

Suddenly, he leaned towards him, his lips an inch away from his. His eyes were bouncing between his eyes and mouth. And then, without saying a word, he pressed their lips together.

"Oh, my God," Chris mumbled, scared as he trembled backwards. "I-I don't know what came over me."

Darren stayed silent, not taking his eyes off of the floor.

"I do," he suddenly said, quietly. "I feel it, too."


	6. Chapter 6

"I, uh... I should go," Chris said after a few minutes of unpleasant silence. Darren didn't react. He hadn't lifted up his head once since the kiss.

Chris sighed, not sure what he had been expecting to happen as he felt so disappointed. He grabbed his phone and got up from the couch, then walking straight to the hallway.

Just as he had opened the front door, he heard a weak voice from the living room. "Stay."

He stopped. What should he do? A part of him was begging him to keep walking, to leave and never look back. But the other part was curious, interested in finding out what could happen.

Without saying a word, he pulled the door closed and turned around. He took a few steps. Darren was still sitting on the sofa, his head against his hands.

"Why?" Chris asked, his voice sharp but soft.

Darren raised his gaze, puzzled. "I already let you go once, and it nearly killed me."

"But you survived."

Darren breathed out deeply. "I don't think I'd be as lucky this time."

Chris swallowed as the flashes from their last meeting from a few years ago started coming rushing back to him. He wanted to tell how much it had hurt him, too. He wanted to tell Darren that it had been the worst decision he'd ever made. But he didn't say anything. He knew he didn't have to.

"I'm not going anywhere," he finally said, as he sat back down next to Darren and took a hold of his hand. "This time I'm gonna see this through."

Darren turned to look at him, and as their eyes met, they both knew there was no turning back. Not this time. They had already made their bed, and now they must lie in it.

"So... Would you like some of that coffee now?" Darren asked awkwardly, still keeping his eyes on Chris.

"No," Chris said, biting his lip. "I wanna pick up where we left off."

Darren laughed lightly as he put his hand on Chris' cheek and leaned in slowly. Chris closed his eyes and pressed his lips against Darren's. He lifted his hand and gently grabbed his hair, as he felt Darren's mouth open and he darted his tongue inside. Their tongues met slowly, dancing around each other, sharing saliva. Blood rushed through Chris' body, fueled by emotion.

Darren kept fondling his ear as the kiss became more and more passionate. Chris moaned softly as he spread his legs and climbed onto his lap, his knees on either side of Darren's hips. They kept kissing, hard and sloppy, their hands all over each other's body.

In a little while, Darren withdrew from Chris' lips and kissed his neck. Chris kept his eyes shut and bit his lower lip, as though desperately trying to hold back the sounds of his pleasure. He felt his crotch grow bigger, but for the first time, it didn't bother him one bit. He let himself feel everything, as it had been his first time. And some ways, it was. 

Darren kept sucking Chris' neck with his moist, soft lips. His skin tasted of salt and musk, and he smelled sweet, like flowers, but there was something unique in his scent. Darren listened to his luscious moans and pressed him tighter against himself.

"I want you," Chris whimpered quietly. 

Darren smiled, pleased. "It's gonna take a little more than just that, Christopher."

Shivers ran through Chris' body from the way he said his full name. "What do you want me to do?"

Darren only smirked as he looked straight back into his eyes. Chris bit his lip. Suddenly he was feeling terribly nervous. Carefully, he put his hand on Darren's hair, threading his fingers into the warm thickness of it. With his other hand he began fondling Darren's narrow waist, his flat, muscular stomach, his nice, hard pecs.

Darren swallowed noisily and took a deep breath. "You know, this reminds me of something."

Chris looked at him, not saying a word.

"Your trailer. Back in our Glee days," Darren continued. "I used to sneak in there during the breaks to practice lines or just..." 

Darren quieted for a minute. "I really miss that time."

"Yeah," Chris sighed. "I miss it too."

Darren smiled a bit nervously, as if he was afraid that he'd just ruined the moment with becoming too sentimental. But Chris didn't seem to think so; his left hand was already on its way down to his pants.

"There were... So many things I wanted to say to you, so many things I wanted to do differently." Darren closed his eyes and groaned lowly as Chris' hand sneaked into his underpants.

"And I'm sorry for... Being such a coward," he continued, a bit out of breath.

Chris opened the zipper of Darren's pants, trying his best to ignore his pungent gaze. He started rubbing his cock through the fabric of his boxers. Darren breathed heavily, still keeping his eyes tightly on Chris.

"Chris," he moaned. "Chris, I'm serious."

"I know," Chris said. "And I forgive you, end of discussion. Can you now show me all those things you wanted to do to me in the trailer?"

Darren chuckled and leaned in to kiss his neck softly. "With pleasure." 

He got up, lifting Chris with him. He took a hold of his hand and brought him to the bedroom. He pushed him on the bed, then got naked himself. Chris looked at him, biting his lower lip, enjoying the view. 

Darren winked at him. "Your turn, Colfer."

Chris laughed softly and stripped off his t-shirt. "I kinda liked 'Christopher' better." 

"Well, Christopher, today's your lucky day, because it's all about pleasing you," Darren smirked as he took slow steps closer to him. 

Chris tried to keep his breathing steady and his face in control. He didn't wanna seem desperate by getting too excited about the smallest things. 

"I want you to turn around," Darren said. Chris puckered his brows but did as he was told, anyway. 

Darren was just about to get in bed, on top of him, as he heard a key rattle in the lock of the front door. His heart skipped a beat.

"Shit!"

"Wh-What happened?" Chris asked, startled. 

"Mia's here!"

"What?"

"She must've left the party early!" Darren nearly screamed, stumbling as he tried to pull on his jeans. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit."

"What the hell am I gonna do? My car's on the driveway!" Chris shouted, panicky. "Goddammit, my fucking car's on the driveway!" 

Darren took a long, deep breath. "Hide. I'll come up with something if she asks about the car."

"Wait, what was that now?"

"I said hide!" Darren yelled as he yanked on his shirt and rushed to the living room.

Chris stared after him, unable to move. What was he going to do, really? A part of him wanted to obey and search for a place to hide, but the other part wanted to teach Darren a lesson, to force him to take some responsibility. He could just lay down on the bed and wait for Mia to find him. Mia might not have been his favorite person in the world, but she was still a human being and deserved to be treated like one.

He sighed and put on his t-shirt. Tonight definitely wasn't gonna end up on the list of his favorite nights.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey, babe," Chris heard Darren's slightly panicky voice from the living room. "What are you doing home already?"

"Lulu and I had another idea for tonight and I was feeling so guilty for leaving you here all alone that I thought I'd come to check on you before we go," Mia replied.

_How generous._

"Oh, so... You're not gonna come home for the night?"

"No, I, uh... I think I'll just sleep at Lulu's. We're gonna be out pretty late and I don't wanna wake you up in the middle of the night."

Darren chuckled. "Okay. Well, uh... I'll see you tomorrow, then. Have a great time, tell Lulu I said hi."

Chris couldn't see Mia's face but as he heard her voice he knew he wasn't gonna be at all comfortable with what was coming up next.

"Not so fast, mister," Mia laughed softly. "I wanted to say a  _proper_  goodbye."

Chris heard a zipper opening.  _Great._

"Wh-What about Lulu? Isn't she waiting for you to go already?"

"Lulu can wait," Mia whispered. Chris wasn't sure why he was nearly holding his breath to hear them better when in reality he didn't actually wanna hear anything.

"No, uh, you should go. You haven't been spending that much time together lately and... I know you miss her."

"That is so sweet of you, babe, but something down here... Tells me a quite different story."

_Damn it, Darren. How long do those frigging boners last?_

"So, why don't you just shut up and fuck me."

_Oh, wow. Straight to the point._

Darren chuckled again, clearly not knowing what else to do. Chris closed his eyes and shook his head. Darren was acting way too strange — if that was even possible for him.

"Why are you so tense? Did I come back at a bad time or something?"

_Your words, not mine._

Suddenly she gasped. "Were you jerking off? Is that why your shirt is backward?"

_OH, COME ON, DARREN._

The chuckle Darren let out, was a mixture of panic and relief. "Yeah, well, uh... I was only just starting."

"You were, huh?" Mia's voice was seductive and soft. Chris could hear her hand slowly caressing Darren's chest under the shirt. "That's actually pretty hot."

_It is not. Just leave, lady!_

"Oh, yeah?"

Suddenly Chris realized that even though this was exactly what he'd been thinking that was going to happen the whole time, he wasn't actually ready for the experience. But right now, as he laid under the double bed of the Criss Mansion, he literally had no other choice than to suffer the consequences of his punishable actions.

"Yeah." Mia was starting to sound heated.

After a brief silence, the only things Chris was able to hear were soft moans between moist, zealous kisses. He kept his eyes closed, trying his best to keep himself distracted from imagining what was going on in the room next door.

Chris startled as he heard a belt thudding against the floor. The noises in the living room grew stronger, and it was impossible to ignore them anymore.

The kissing continued and soon he heard other garments dropping on the floor as well.

_This is crazy_ , Chris thought to himself.  _How can one even get himself in a situation like this?_

He heard giggling, then a sound of someone falling on the couch.

"I want you," Mia groaned.

Chris shook his head in revulsion. Nope. This was not what he'd signed up for.

The moaning went on for quite a while after that. Chris lay under the bed, his eyes closed and his breathing intermittent and raspy. He was trying to get out of his head, he really wanted to, but he couldn't. Being there, hiding, made him feel dirty and all he wanted was to get up and leave. But he couldn't do that either. Not to Darren, not to Mia. Definitely not to himself.

Listening to the sounds of pleasure and heat coming from the next room were getting him aroused. Blood was rushing to his cock, and his mind was filling with thoughts he would rather really not have. He wanted to cry, the whole situation was making him uncomfortable and overly emotional. There was nothing right about any of it and he just wanted it to be over. He wanted to wake up and realize that it had all just been a bizarre, grisly dream, a nightmare. But it wasn't.

Chris sighed. There was no one else for him to blame for what was happening than himself. He had no one else to be mad at. He had known it from the very beginning that getting involved with an engaged guy would only bring trouble. He had known it but still for some reason chosen to ignore it.

So, maybe he did deserve this. Maybe this was his punishment. Maybe this was karma.

Darren's soft groan woke him back to reality. "Oh, I'm gonna cum."

Chris bit his lip so hard it bled. Hearing Darren's low cries of pleasure made him so hard the only way to keep himself in control was to cause enough pain to forget about his urge to ejaculate.

When Darren had finally come, Chris' whole mouth tasted like blood. His crotch was huge but at least now he could finally calm down.

"I love you," he suddenly heard Mia's gentle whisper.

Darren didn't answer right away. For a few seconds, Chris was sure he wasn't going to say anything.

"I love you, too."

The good thing was, his erection was finally going down.

"I should probably get going," Mia said after a while. "But I'll see you at noon tomorrow."

"Yes, at the bar," Darren replied, jovial. "I remember."

"Good."

Chris listened how the two got dressed and then walked to the front door. After a deep kiss, he heard the door opening.

"Bye," Mia said softly.

"Bye."

Chris rolled his eyes.  _Gross._

The front door was pushed closed and soon footsteps approached the bedroom. The door cracked open.

"Chris?"

Chris crawled off under the bed and got up, patting the dust on his pants. He didn't say anything, he didn't even look at Darren, who was standing on the doorway, looking like nothing had happened only minutes before.

"H-Hey, where are you going?" Darren's voice was abashed.

Chris closed his eyes again as he walked past him, straight to the living room.

"Chris, stop!"

Chris took a deep breath and without saying a word, turned around. Darren was staring at him with a genuinely worried look on his face. His hazel eyes were filled with woe.

"Please, don't go." 


	8. Chapter 8

"So, how did it go?" Lulu asked immediately as the passenger’s door opened.

"Well, uh..."

"You didn't ask him, did you?"

"No, I... I got a little distracted."

"Mia, come on!” Lulu nearly shouted. “Don't you wanna find out the truth?"

"He's not cheating on me, okay?" Mia snorted. She couldn't believe she had to have this conversation all over again.

"I honestly wouldn't be so sure,” Lulu said as she started the car.

"What do you mean?"

Lulu sighed. "Look, I think Darren is a great guy and I know how much you love him but... That car. It belongs to Will Sherrod."

Mia puckered her brows. "Will Sherrod? Who's Will Sherrod?"

"Seriously?”

"What?"

"He's Chris Colfer's ex-boyfriend!” Lulu nearly exclaimed. ”You know, the one that died.”

Mia's mouth dropped open. “Oh, my God.”

 

* * *

 

“What choice do I have, huh?” Chris asked, on the edge of crying. “What does it say about me if I stay after all this?”

“Chris, I —”

“No. I'm going. I could never forgive myself for letting my feelings take control of me like this,” Chris answered, still avoiding eye contact with Darren, who just stood there, annoyingly unaware of what was happening.

“So… This… Whatever twisted, confusing _thing_ between us… It's over.”

“Wh-What do you mean?” It was like Darren had finally woken up to the situation, his whole being was crying for help.

“Are you serious right now? I was hiding under your bed while you were having sex with your fiancée on the couch in the next room!” Chris exclaimed, now finally meeting Darren's big, scared eyes.

“I mean, what the hell are we doing, Darren?” he asked, letting out an incredulous sneer. “You're getting married to a woman that you clearly love! There's no place for me.”

The look on Darren's face was heartbreaking, but Chris knew what he had to do.

“And you know what? I accept that now.” He wiped the corner of his eye with his thumb before he continued. “It was stupid of me to think that after all these years you would've finally chosen me like I chose you the minute we met.”

Chris sniffed, kicked on his shoes and then, not even glancing back, pushed past the front door. He walked straight to his car, sat on the driver's seat and took a deep breath.

With tears rolling down his cheeks, dropping on the steering wheel and all over his lap, he sat there for a good while. His head was pounding and his heart still beating faster than ever. What had he been thinking? Why had he actually thought that things would be any different this time around?

He felt so stupid, so angry and disappointed. He wanted to stop crying, he wanted to man up and forget about the jerk that was probably already sexting with his girlfriend. He wanted to stop feeling miserable. He wanted to stop feeling sorry for himself. He wanted to stop feeling. Period.

 

* * *

 

Darren stood in the living room, staring at the closed front door as the reality finally hit him. He had just lost Chris, maybe for good this time. Tears rose in his throat.

With Chris’ words echoing in his head, he sat down on the couch and pressed his head against his hands. The previous events kept circling through his mind, making him feel worse one repetition after another.

Suddenly, his cell started buzzing on the wooden table. He picked it up. The caller was Lea. He took a deep breath and lifted the phone in front of his face, then pressing the green button. Soon Lea’s face appeared on the screen.

“Hey!” she greeted happily.

“Lea, hi,” Darren sighed in response.

“Oh, did-did I call at a bad time?”

Darren was silent for a while. “Yeah, you could say that,” he then mumbled.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s… Everything’s great.”

“Darren, come on. It’s me,” Lea said. “You can talk to me.”

Darren didn’t answer.

“Is it about Chris? Did you talk to him?”

Darren startled. “Wh-What do you mean?”

“You know, about being your bestman,” Lea chuckled. “At your wedding? Does any of this ring a bell?”

Darren swallowed. The situation was getting way too out of hands.

“Darren?” Lea’s voice now sounded worried. “Are you sure everything’s okay?”

“Lea, I... “ Darren started but then quieted down again.

“He said no, didn’t he?”

“Lea…”

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m sure he’ll still be there! Maybe he just –”

“I never meant to ask him to be my bestman!” Darren suddenly shouted.

It was Lea’s turn to be quiet. She looked shocked and Darren had no clue if it was because of his anger or because of his lie.

“Then… Why would you say that?” Lea finally asked after a few minutes of absolute, killing silence.

Darren sighed and, not even able to look her in the eyes, replied, “Because I couldn’t tell you what was really going on.”

“‘ _What was really going on’?_ ”

“Yeah.”

“And what does that mean? You…” Lea’s mouth dropped open. “No.”

Darren looked at her, feeling her judgment all over the room he was in.

“How could you? I-I mean, what about Mia? She’s… You two… She… You’re getting married!”

“And you think I don’t know that?” Darren said with a sarcastic sneer.

“Then _why_ do it?”

“I don’t know, okay!” Darren exclaimed. “It all happened so fast and I just… I got carried away!”

“That’s not an excuse to cheat on somebody.”

Darren sighed. “I know. It just… With Chris I…”

“With Chris you what?” Suddenly the judgy tone in Lea’s voice was gone.

“With him, I felt like myself again. It felt special,” Darren said quietly.

Lea smiled briefly. “You know there’s a word for that, right?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Darren snorted. “It’s over.”

“What happened?”

“I made the same mistake I made five years ago,” Darren replied, and it wasn’t until he heard those words coming out of his own mouth that he realized what he’d really done.

Lea puckered her eyebrows. “Five years... Wait, was this already a thing when we were still filming Glee?”

“It was never a thing,” Darren sighed.

“Why not? I mean, practically the whole world thought you were dating. I think we all did at one point,” Lea chuckled nervously. “Was it the enormous amount of attention that stood in the way?”

“Nope, it was me. I stood in the way.”

“You? What do you –”

“I was a coward, I couldn’t go through with it. And then I lost him,” Darren said, shaking his head. “And now, I’ve lost him again. For good this time.”

“D, I’m so sorry,” Lea said, sounding like she actually meant it. “Even though I don’t stand by your choices, I want you to know that I’m here for you. Always.”

Darren smiled mildly. “Thanks.”

 

* * *

 

Chris had been driving around for almost three hours. He was angry and exhausted, and his red eyes were getting tired. He no longer wanted to hurt Darren but definitely wouldn’t have minded if someone else had offered to do that for him.

He’d gone through every memory he was able to remember; every conversation, every scene they’d shot together all those years ago, every kiss and most importantly, every time Darren had let him down. Actually, that had only happened twice; first five years ago and then again tonight. It wasn’t like Darren to lead people on, yet he still had done it to Chris two times.

He took left and suddenly found himself on a tiny backroad. He had no idea where he was heading but then again, he had no idea where he was, either.

He kept driving, realizing that he was only getting further and further away from the city. But getting further away from the city meant also getting further away from his problems. Further away from Darren.

He stepped on the gas a bit more, trying to outrun his thoughts. He wanted to get rid of the memories from tonight’s events, he wanted them gone.

Suddenly, he noticed a biggish animal ahead of him. He screamed as he hit the break, steering the car toward the shoulder of the road. Freaking out, he tried to keep the vehicle steady. He was scared to death; his heart was pounding and his eyes were filled with fear.

Then, he only heard an immense crash before it all went black.


	9. Chapter 9

**2013**

There was a sharp knock on the trailer door.

“I'm coming!” Chris shouted, pulling his head through his black t-shirt. He grabbed his copy of the day's script from the table and opened the door. Darren was standing on the ground, smiling wide as their eyes met.

“Hey,” he greeted.

“Hey,” Chris replied, bowing down to tie his shoes quickly.

“So, I, uh… Kind of wanted to ask you something.”

Chris lifted his head. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. But, umm… I don't just wanna do it here so I was wondering if you, uh… If you’d like to have dinner tonight? With me.”

“Sure,” Chris chuckled. “I'll meet you by your trailer around 6?”

“Yeah, yeah. That sounds great,” Darren answered, nodding nervously. “So, you, uh, you ready?”

“Yeah, let's go,” Chris said and stepped out the trailer closing the door after him.

They walked to the set with the not mentioned anticipation between them, their hands nearly touching with just the slightest gap.

“There you are!” Ryan exclaimed in relief but quieted down quickly as he took a second look at the two. “Chris, what are you wearing? This is your scene! Kurt Hummel doesn't own boring, black _t-shirts_.”

“Yeah, you should've at least painted a big smiley face on it,” Darren said, shaking his head.

Chris sniggered covering his mouth and reddening for a brief moment. “I-I'm sorry, I totally forgot. I'll go change right now.”

“No, there's no time for that now. We'll shoot the scene tomorrow,” Ryan said without even looking directly at him. “Lea, honey? Are you ready?”

“Yeah, absolutely,” Lea replied with a big smile on her face and got up from the piano.

“I can't believe I forgot about my scene,” Chris said as he sat down on the chair behind him and put his head against his hands.

Darren sat down beside him and put his hand on his left knee. “You know, I, uh… I gotta admit something.”

Chris lifted his head and puckered his brows. “What?”

“You didn't forget about your scene,” Darren said, took a deep breath and then continued, “You didn't have any more scenes to shoot today. I asked Ryan to lie to you so you would leave your trailer for a while.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, because, I, umm… Sort of had something planned for us.”

“But… What about our dinner?”

“Uh, yeah, about that... There's no dinner. No. There's only a, uh, picnic. At your trailer,” Darren mumbled. “I had my team set everything up while you were gone.”

“What? You— Aw, you didn't have to do that!”

“No, I… I really did.” Darren sighed. “‘Cause there's something I need to tell you and I thought this would be a proper way of handling things.”

Chris looked puzzled. “What are you talking about?”

Darren gave him a wide grin, “You’ll see.” He took a hold of Chris’ hand and pulled him up. “Let’s go.”

Chris stood up, still puzzled, and followed him back to the trailer.

Darren opened the door, then stepping aside so Chris could enter first.

“Oh, wow,” Chris breathed, eyes widening. “Dare, this is amazing.”

The trailer was lighted with softly flickering candles and there were heart-shaped decorations everywhere. On the table, there were various food choices from snacks to full meals. Beside the sink, he noticed a little brown box next to two plates of chocolate cake and a bottle of champagne.

Darren smiled behind him, “I’m glad you like it.”

Chris turned around, laying his eyes directly onto his. “I love it.”

“Good,” Darren replied and bit his bottom lip. “Although, I really cannot take credit for any of it, I only gave some suggestions.”

“Shut up, you’re ruining this,” Chris whispered playfully as he leaned even closer to Darren’s hard-pounding body. Darren bit his lip even harder, not taking his eyes off Chris’.

Chris wrapped his arms around Darren's neck and played softly with his neck hair. “So, are you gonna kiss me or not?”

Darren chuckled, tense. He wasn't sure why Chris was suddenly making him so nervous.

The grin on Chris’ face was growing wider with every passing second as he was waiting for Darren to step up his game.

Darren coughed shortly before placing his strained hands on Chris’ narrow waist. He licked his lip quickly, trying his best not to look too freaked out. Then he pulled Chris even closer and when their bodies finally touched, he pressed his lips gently against his. Chris responded to the kiss with equal passion, his body growing heated with desire.

The kiss wasn't long, but it was long enough, and when it was over they were both still holding each other close.

Chris nuzzled Darren's neck. “You have no idea how long I've waited for you to do that.”

“Yeah? You really think I messed up all those kissing scenes just because I couldn't remember which way I was supposed to hold your hand?” Darren chuckled.

“Wait, that was— That wasn't the case?”

Darren let out an airy laugh, “No! I just wanted to kiss you. And, I mean, I know it wasn't exactly ideal but… I just couldn't think of a better way to be that close to you without everyone realizing what was going on.”

“I had no idea,” Chris shook his head. “You should've said something to me!”

“I wasn't sure if you'd be interested…”

“Really? That's your excuse?” Chris giggled. “I literally went out with you the first day we met and I refused to leave you alone ever since.”

“Okay, yeah, your crush was pretty obvious.”

“Hey!” Chris laughed, slapping Darren's arm gently. “No one said anything about having a crush.”

“Oh, yeah? So… You're not at all interested in me?” Darren grinned and started kissing his cheek. “Not… one… bit?”

Chris smiled, biting his lip. “What would you, umm… do if I did have a crush on you?”

Darren was quiet for a little while, still sucking on his neck. “I'd do a lot of things, Christopher,” he then said.

Chris closed his eyes and moaned softly. “What things?”

“Well, at first I would—,” Darren started but stopped as he felt his phone vibrating in the front pocket of his jeans.

“Wow, Darren, is that…?”

“Just my phone,” Darren chuckled dryly and dug up the device. “Shit, it's Ricky.”

Darren sighed. “I'm so sorry, I have to take this. I told him we'd be shooting this scene the whole day so he wouldn't be calling if it wasn't important.”

“Y-Yeah, I get it. Go ahead,” Chris said, trying not to sound disappointed.

Darren smiled mildly as he opened the trailer door and went back outside. He coughed and then raised the cell to his ear. “Hey, man. What's up?”

“What the hell are you doing?”

“What are you—”

“Mia just called. She told me about your plans for tonight. Yeah!” Ricky shouted. “Are you out of your mind? Do you have any idea what this kind of a revelation would do to you? To us?”

“Ricky, I—”

“We've been through this many times, Darren! You cannot come out yet, people are just finally starting to recognize your talent. You're gonna be a big star! We don't need any distractions.”

“Chris is not a distraction, I love him!” Darren exclaimed. “You can't make my decisions for me, none of you.”

“We just want what's best for you, why can't you see that?”

“How'd you know what's best for me if you won't even let me be myself?”

Ricky let out a deep, long sigh. “I know you think you love Chris, and I know he's not going to be the last guy you'll ever have a little crush on. But I also know that if you'd just give Mia a chance - a real one - you wouldn't be disappointed. She's a real catch.”

Darren didn't reply.

“You're not gay, Darren. You've said so yourself. So, why not just focus on the ladies at the moment, huh?”

Still no answer.

“I don't want you to see me as the bad guy here, okay? Personally, I have no problem with this, I just… I really care about you, D - you and your career. And I'm not saying you should hide the truth forever. If you could just wait a little longer.”

Darren swallowed, still not saying a word.

“Look, I've told you how we feel about this and… I hope you'll at least think about what you may lose if you still decide to go with your plan. Because at the end, it's your choice,” Ricky said before saying goodbye and hanging up.

Darren put down his phone and pushed it back into his pocket, then staring at the nothingness for quite a while. Ricky's words kept playing in his mind.

He took a deep breath and opened the trailer door.

“Hey,” Chris greeted, grinning widely.

“Hey,” Darren mumbled.

Chris puckered his brows. “Everything okay?”

Darren sighed and then, not even lifting his gaze up from the floor, said, “Chris, I… I can’t do this.”

“What?”

“I-I just… I’ve made a mistake.”

“Wh-What are you talking about?” Chris’ voice now sounded almost panicked.

“This… This whole night… It was a mistake. A-A huge, huge mistake.”

“I-I don’t… I don’t understand what’s happening?”

“I was so close to blowing everything up, Chris. And I just… It wouldn’t have been right,” Darren said, still not looking straight into Chris’ scared eyes. “I’m sorry, I just… I have to go.”

“Darren, wh– Where are you going?” Chris exclaimed. “What happened with Ricky?”

Darren didn’t answer.

“What happened? ‘Cause before the call you were… I mean, I… I really felt like we were having fun,” Chris continued after a short moment. “Did I… Did I do something?”

“No, I just… I can’t be here,” Darren finally said. “I can’t think straight when I’m with you.”

“What?”

“Yeah, it’s like… You’re messing with my head, Chris! All the time.”

“Are you kidding me?” Chris snorted. “This picnic was your idea, D. You had this whole big night planned out for us! You had some news you wanted to share with me, and now you’re suddenly accusing me of being the one to blame, even though you’re the one who’s acting weird!”

“Chris, just… Stop,” Darren sighed. “I don’t wanna do this right now.”

“Wh– Seriously? You’re annoyed at me?” Chris chuckled in disbelief. “You’re actually annoyed at me right now?”

Darren just rolled his eyes at the floor.

“You’re the worst,” Chris said, shaking his head. “You’re literally the worst person. You really made me think we had something great going on here. Something special.”

Darren closed his eyes. He didn’t know what to say.

“Why do you keep doing this to me? Huh? You’re awful. You’re an awful person, Darren!” Chris sniffled. “I want you to go.”

Darren raised his head with a startled look on his face. “Chris, I–”

“Just go!” Chris exclaimed. “I don’t wanna hear another word from you, okay? I can’t trust anything you say anymore.”

“Chris, please, let me–”

“You really need to go, I don’t wanna see you right now,” Chris sighed. “I don’t wanna do or say anything I’m gonna regret later.”

“I owe you an explanation!”

“No, you don’t! I don’t wanna hear your excuses. I’m done, okay? This isn’t the first time we’ve been close to talking about this obvious tension between us, just like this isn’t the first time you’ve chickened out. But that’s okay, I don’t matter to you as much as you do to me. So...  I just need you to give me some time, okay?”

“Chris, please, just… Listen to me.” Darren sounded desperate.

“No! Just… Leave me alone.”

“I can’t go now. I need to–”

“Just go!” Chris yelled. “Please!”

Darren just stared at him, not quite sure how to respond.

“Fine, I’ll go!” Chris grunted. “Feel free to stay here as long as you like!”

He put on his shoes, pushed Darren slightly aside, opened the door and stormed out. Darren sat down on the chair behind him and placed his head in his hands. There was a tear rolling down his cheek. It felt like the end of everything good.

 

* * *

 

Chris twitched awake, muscles tense and gasping for air. His head was pounding and his heart was beating like a drum. He looked around. He was lying in bed in a white room with no other people. There was a black leather jacket on the backrest of the chair next to the bed and a plastic cup on a tiny table beside the chair. He was wearing a blue striped shirt and pants, and there were white slippers on the floor on the other side of the bed.

Suddenly the room door opened.

“Oh, you’re awake!” a familiar, joyful voice said.

Chris got up sitting and craned to see behind the white curtains. “Darren?”


	10. Chapter 10

"No, just me," his father replied. "Who is this Darren, though? Your new  _squeeze_?"

"Tim, don't tease him. He's had a rough day," a woman walking right behind him scolded. "How are you feeling, honey?"

Chris looked puzzled. "Mom, dad, what are you doing here?"

"Well, Ashley called us. She was at work so she couldn't come herself right away."

"So, she decided to call you instead?"

"Yes. She didn't know exactly what had happened but she sounded quite scared," Tim nodded. "We had no choice but to come here ourselves."

"So, what happened, darling? We heard you hit a tree?" Karyn sounded worried. "What were you doing so far away from home?"

"Mom, I'm not a baby..."

"I know you're not a baby, Chris."

"Well, then stop talking to me like one," Chris sighed as he pushed his head back against the pillow.

"Are you sure you don't wanna talk about it?"

Chris didn't answer.

"It would make you feel a lot better if you'd just talk to us."

"I don't wanna talk," Chris grunted.

"Are you sure?" Karyn asked. "Are you absolutely one hundred percent sure?"

Chris rolled his eyes at her. "Yes, I'm sure."

"I don't believe you," Tim snorted and turned to his wife. "He's just embarrassed to talk about it because it has something to do with this Darren person."

"I think so, too. He's always so secretive about boys."

"You know I can hear you, right?" Chris chuckled dryly.

"Just tell us what happened. We won't judge you if that's what you're afraid of."

"Wait a second," his mother suddenly said. "Wasn't that guy named Darren who spent Thanksgiving with us a few years ago?"

Chris sighed. "More like six years ago but yes, he was a Darren."

"Oh, I really liked him."

"Darren? Darren Criss? From that Glee show?" Tim was finally catching up with the conversation. "Oh, he was a nice kid. Really nice."

"So, you... You two still keep in touch?"

"Not really," Chris replied, shrugging. "I mean, we've seen each other a few time recently but... I don't really feel comfortable enough to talk about it with you too so... Can we please talk about something else?"

Tim and Karyn took a brief look at each other.

"Fine," she finally said. "What do you want to talk about? Work? Books?"

Chris let out a deep breath. "Actually, I'd just rather be alone right now." He paused for a second. "If that's okay with you."

"Oh, okay," Karyn said, trying not to sound too gutted. "We'll be in the cafeteria if you need us."

"Yeah, thanks," Chris answered, then waving his left hand as a goodbye. He watched his parents to leave the room and closed his eyes. There was no way he was going to talk about Darren, especially with them.

He grabbed his phone from the table next to him and checked his messages. None of them was from Darren. He felt a lump in his throat. No. He swallowed and closed his eyes. He was not going to text him. He was not even going to think about him. And most definitely was he not going to miss him.

 

*          *          *

 

"Hey."  Chris opened his right eye slightly and saw Ashley sitting on the chair next to the bed.

"Hey."

"How are you holding up?"

"With my broken leg or my parents?"

Ashley rolled her eyes. "Well, I'm sorry I called them. I was just worried about you. It's not like you to wander around in unknown places."

Chris sighed. "I know. And I'm sorry I scared you. But... considering that the first people you called were my parents, I think we're even."

"Fine. But you still owe me an explanation for all this," Ashley said. "I mean, what the hell were you doing out there?"

Chris was silent for a while, fighting to gather himself, keep himself from bursting into tears.

"I had just met Darren and..." he started but stopped himself before his voice broke.

"Chris..." Ashley let out a long sigh. "We already talked about this. It's not good for you to hang out with him, just think about the last time you two were close."

Chris sniffled. "I know."

"So, why do you keep doing this to yourself?"

"I don't know, I... I just thought that... this time would be –"

"Different? Chris, come on. Where's your self-respect? Why can't you see that this guy is poison?"

Chris was too embarrassed to raise his gaze from his lap.

"Look, I don't mean to sound rude, but you have to stop sabotaging yourself! You can't just hang on to the past and hope that one day he'll see you the way you've always seen him."

"I know," Chris said, quietly. "He never really loved me, it was all in my head."

Ashley took his hand and squeezed. "You'll get through this, okay? Because I'm gonna be there for you, every step of the way."

Chris flashed her a weak smile. "Thank you."


	11. Chapter 11

"I don't think this is a good idea," Chris sighed.

"Come on, where's your sense of adventure?" Ashley cried out. "Besides, you have to do this, Chris. We all know how long it took you to get over...  _him_  the last time this happened. I'm just trying to speed up the process."

"Jesus, Ash. He's not like Lord Voldemort, you can say his name."

"Fine," Ashley sneered. "But you need to move on as soon as possible, okay? I don't wanna see you that sad because of some guy ever again. I can't."

Chris looked at her and pursed his eyebrows. "Well, aren't you emotional today?"

Ashley rolled her eyes. "Don't read too much into it."

"Whatever," Chris chuckled. "So, tell me about this guy."

"Oh, Holden is great! He's 34, handsome and very smart. He works as a preschool teacher and he has the cutest little doggy."

"The cutest?"

"After Fitzgerald and Cooper,  _obviously_ ," Ashley laughed. "I'm not even sure if you're messing with me or just actually missing the point."

"Oh, I'm totally messing with you."

Ashley shook her head. "Well, stop. This is too important."

"I know," Chris sighed. "And I really appreciate you doing this for me, I just... I feel weird about this, that's all."

"I get it. But I really need you to give this idea a real chance. I mean, he's probably not the right guy but... What if he is, you know?"

"Yeah..."

 

*               *               *

 

Darren grabbed a Coke from the top shelf of the refrigerator and popped the tab. He sat down at the table and took a sip.

He sighed. The drink wasn't making him feel half as good as it used to.

He got up, put the can back to the fridge, walked to the living room and slumped onto the couch. He leaned his head against the backrest and closed his eyes.

Just when he was about to fall asleep, the front door opened.

"I'm home," he heard Mia's voice from the hallway.

Darren raised his head. "Hey."

"Hey," Mia greeted as she entered the room. "You missed our meeting with the wedding planner. Did something come up?"

"Yeah, I, uh... Ricky and I had some urgent stuff that needed checking."

"Right," she nodded and sat down on the sofa next to him. "So, it had nothing to do with Chris Colfer?"

Darren startled. "What?"

"I know he was here last night."

"Wh-What makes you think that?"

"Stop lying to me, Darren!" Mia shouted and sprung up from the couch. "You're sleeping with him, aren't you?"

"Mia, I -"

" _Stop lying!_ "

"I-I'm sorry, I... It was a mistake. I-It didn't -"

"It didn't mean anything? Please! You've wanted to be with him ever since you met him," she snorted. "Or have you forgotten about everything that happened five years ago?"

"No! No, of course not. I just..."

"You wanted to come out and make your relationship official with him. But then you chickened out when Ricky told him what could happen to your career if you went through with your plan."

"Only because you called him!" Darren suddenly yelled. "Why did you have to do that? You knew how I felt! You knew I loved him."

"What do you think?"

Darren shrugged angrily.

"Because I love you, Darren!" Mia yelped. "I am in love with you and... I know it's stupid and that there's really no way this will ever end happily for me but... this whole time that we've been doing this - playing house... I've been hoping that one day you could just see me the way you see him."

Darren turned to look at her. Tears were falling down her face. He sighed. "I'm sorry." He took a deep breath and continued, "This whole situation is just...  _so_  fucked up, you know. I mean, what the hell? We're both over 30 yet still constantly lying to all our loved ones because some guys in suits tell us to do so!"

Mia chuckled dryly and wiped the corner of her eye. "Yeah."

"I really care about you, Mia, and... Man, I just wish I didn't have to hurt you like this."

"I know," Mia replied with a mild smile.

She sniffled. "You know, the second when I realized you two were seeing each other again, I knew you weren't done. I knew it wasn't over between you two. And even though it made me sad, I couldn't help but smile. You deserve to be happy, D."

"Actually," Darren sighed. "I think it is over."

Mia puckered her brows as she turned her gaze to him.

"I think it's over for good."

 

*               *               *

 

Chris was sitting tensely at a corner table of his favorite coffee shop. He still wasn't sure why he had agreed to go on the date in the first place or why he had thought that  _not_ seeing the guy's picture was the best alternative.

He let out a long, deep breath, trying to calm himself down. It was easier said than done. His armpits were sweating and the purple dress shirt he was wearing was choking him.

"Hey." Chris startled and raised his head. A man with a blond crop, big blue eyes, and a wide smile was standing beside his table.

"Are you Chris?"

"Oh, yeah," Chris answered, still puzzled. "I'm sorry, I... I wasn't expecting you to be so... tall."

Holden sat down opposite him, laughing. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"No, it's fine. Really. I was just, you know, trying not to freak out."

"I see," Holden chuckled. "Your first set-up date?"

"Yeah. Ashley thinks this is just what I need to get over someone."

"Oh."

"Shit, I'm sorry. I-I didn't get the rule book, is ex talk prohibited?" Chris asked. He couldn't believe that the date had barely gone on for two minutes and he had already messed up.

"No, it's okay," Holden smiled. "And what it's worth, I didn't read the rule book either."

Chris let out relieved laughter. "I'm still sorry, though. I seriously have no idea what I'm doing."

Holden placed his hand on his. "Don't worry. Me neither."

Chris looked at their hands and smiled nervously. "So, uh... What made you agree to come to meet me today?"

"Ashley showed me your picture."

Chris bit his lower lip as his eyes met Holden's. They were captivating and so powerful that just by looking at them he felt like he was giving up all his secrets.

"You okay?" Holden's voice sounded worried.

"Yeah," Chris spluttered, embarrassed. "Sorry, I'm still just... trying to adjust to this."

Holden smiled, and his smile revealed his perfect set of teeth.  _Damn_. All of a sudden it was Holden he wanted to be choking him.

Chris coughed and shook his head, trying to get the thoughts out of his head. "So, Ashley tells me you're a teacher."

"Yeah, it's, uh... always been my dream job, actually."

"Really? You... You like kids?"

"Oh, I  _love_ kids! I hope that one day I'll have a couple of my own," Holden replied, smiling.

_That damn smile._

"That's cool," Chris said, immediately regretting opening his mouth.

Holden chortled, "Are you sure you're okay? You seem a bit nervous."

"God," Chris sighed as he pressed his head against his hands. "I am  _so_ nervous. I mean, at first, I didn't even wanna come here because this whole idea felt so stupid, but then I saw you and I was just like damn. And now I'm just embarrassing myself completely."

"You're not," Holden said, taking hold of Chris' hands and laying them on the table. "You have nothing to be embarrassed about."

"Yeah, right. I'm barely capable of having an actual conversation with you and I'm supposed to be an author."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Holden said, fondling his left hand. "Besides, I think it's kind of cute how nervous I make you."


	12. Chapter 12

It had been three weeks since Chris' first date with Holden. They had gone out multiple times ever since and everything was going great. Chris was happier than he had been in a long time and his leg was much better, as well.

He really enjoyed Holden's company and got butterflies in his stomach every time he called or just sent a new text message. Even a simple "Ok" meant the world to him, especially because Holden was in the habit of adding some kind of an emoji after every single one of his texts. Usually, it was just the regular smiley face, but sometimes he felt a bit rebellious and added a bunch of hearts or a kiss emoji.

In some ways, Chris felt like a teenage girl with all the texting and late night phone calls. But he didn't care. He was having so much fun and Holden definitely brought out the best in him.

"Okay, we should get going," Holden's voice brought him back to reality.

"Yeah, yeah," Chris nodded. "Let me just, uh... grab a coffee to go."

"Another one?"

"Hey, don't judge," Chris started as he got up, "It's been a stressful week."

Holden flashed him a wide smile. "I'll wait in the car."

Chris smiled back and walked to the counter. "A cappuccino to go, please."

The barista only nodded with a fed up look on her face and walked to the coffee machine. Chris shook his head, digging up his wallet.

He paid for the drink and turned to leave. On his way out he heard a familiar voice calling his name on his right. He stopped but didn't turn his head. He couldn't. He was completely frozen.

"Chris, you okay?" Chris glanced at the hand on his shoulder, not saying a word. He turned around and slowly raised his head until his eyes met Darren's worried, hazel ones.

"I'm fine," he then said, squeezing the coffee mug in his hand.

"Are you sure? You don't... You don't look so good."

Chris was silent for a second. "I have to go," he then muttered.

"Chris, wait," Darren cried out. "Let's... catch up."

Chris scoffed. " _Let's c_ _atch up?_  What on earth makes you think I'd wanna do that?"

Darren sighed. "Look, I... I messed up. But I really need to tell you something."

"Sorry," Chris snorted. "I'm not interested." He turned around and walked to the door.

Just as he grabbed the handle, he heard Darren's holler behind him "I told Mia everything!"

It took all his strength to keep walking, to make it through those doors. He entered the car Holden had driven near the entrance and buckled up his seat belt. "Let's go."

Holden frowned but didn't say anything until they were back on the road.

"So... What was that about?" he asked, trying not to sound too curious or judgemental.

"Nothing," Chris replied quietly. "Absolutely nothing." 

 

*               *               *

 

Holden stopped the car and turned to Chris. "Are you sure you don't wanna come with me?"

"I'm sure," Chris chuckled. "You're going to a room full of teachers, I can barely be in the same car with one."

Holden laughed. "Fine. I'll see you later."

"Yeah," Chris replied and opened his seat belt. "Have fun." He gave Holden a quick kiss before getting out of the vehicle and closed the door behind him. He waved him goodbye and watched as he drove away.

Chris sighed as he lifted his bag from the ground and walked to the hotel lobby. He checked in, took the elevator to his floor and entered the room. He jumped to the bed and fell asleep almost immediately.

His ringtone woke him up nearly two hours later. Puzzled, he raised his head from the pillow and cracked open his left eye. He dug his phone out of the front pocket of his jeans. The caller was Darren.

Chris got up faster than ever, staring frightened at the cell that was still lying on the bed as if it was possessed. He had been doing so well these past few weeks, and now he suddenly felt like all of his success had been flushed down the toilet. It wasn't fair.

Still, he couldn't stop thinking about Darren's words at the coffee shop. Had he been serious? But most importantly, had there been some meaning behind him telling him about it?

Chris felt his heart beating like crazy. He knew what he wasn't supposed to do, and he knew what this could do to him all over again. But he also knew he wouldn't be able to forget about it. He had to know.

He grabbed his phone and typed a new message.

_Why did you do it?_

Darren replied a few minutes later.

_Do what?_

_Tell her._

No answer.

Chris stared at his cell, unable to move. He wasn't sure if he even wanted him to answer. He'd been doing just fine without him, why go back now? And did it even matter why he'd told her? It was over between them, for good this time. Right?

Almost an hour later Darren finally answered. With only two words he managed to mess with Chris' head.

_Call me._

Chris bit his lip, trying to make up his mind. He hated how big impact Darren had on him, but at the same time, he couldn't stop smiling. Butterflies were fluttering in his stomach and a blush crept onto his cheeks.

He took a deep breath and picked up the phone, then pressing the call button. It rang a few times before it was answered.

"Chris!" Darren sounded relieved. "I wasn't sure if you'd call."

"Me neither," Chris sneered.

Darren sighed. "Look, I... I know you probably hate me and, trust me, I hate me too. But..." Darren paused for a moment. "I just wish you'd hear me out."

"Okay," Chris said. He didn't have any intention of getting involved with Darren third time around, but he was too curious to just let it go.

"Five years ago, we were so close of making the decision that would've changed my whole life. We both knew that we were going to have that conversation that day but... I chickened out. Do you - Do you remember that?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"I never told you what happened. I-I mean, you know that Ricky called me but I... I never told you exactly what he said." Darren's voice was shaking. "He told me that it'd basically ruin my career if I came out and... I was just so ambitious and worried about my life that... I made the wrong choice and lost the one thing that mattered to me the most.

"I loved you, Chris. I loved you more than anything but I blew our chance because I was too scared to be a man and say it out loud."

Chris was quiet. He didn't know what to say - he hadn't been prepared for that kind of revelation. In fact, he was so completely puzzled he couldn't even think straight. Everything seemed to be happening so fast.

Darren must have sensed his bafflement because he just continued talking.

"I know I'm five years late but I just felt like I owed you an explanation," he said. "I don't expect you to forgive me and I most definitely don't expect you to feel sorry for me. I am a grown man, I'm in charge of my own life and my choices."

Darren took a deep breath. "I would be lying if I said I wasn't hoping for you to consider meeting me. I know I've hurt you badly, but now you know how I really feel and... Well, I guess I just wish it would change things."

"Darren," Chris sighed. "You're not only five years late, but you've also already had two opportunities to make the right thing, and both times I've ended up looking like a fool."

"Chris, I'm... I'm so incredibly sorry for that! But you know how it feels, it's not exactly easy to shout out to the world that I'm gay."

"Yeah, I know that. But you could've at least told me."

Darren didn't answer but Chris could feel his heavy breathing and hear his heart pounding through the phone.

"I'm sorry, Darren. I really am." Chris closed his eyes and swallowed. Having this conversation was much harder than he had expected. He was feeling so many emotions that he wasn't sure how much more of it he could take.

"No, I... I understand." Darren sounded sad and disappointed, but Chris knew he still meant what he said. "Well, I guess I'll see you around then."

"Yeah, I guess so," Chris mumbled, not ready to hang up yet. In some ways, ending this call meant ending something really special, ending a great friendship, ending something that was so close to becoming the greatest love story ever told. Twice.

"Take care, Christopher," Darren said quietly. "Stay amazing."

Chris smiled wistfully as a tear rolled down his cheek. "Goodbye, Darren."


End file.
